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Sunday, March 31, 2013


Long time no see! I always mean to write, but can't find the words very often these days. I thought I would post today, it's been almost a year. So much has gone on though. We had October 15th declared Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day again. I read some poems at a get together for people who had lost a child within the last year. It was hard, I tried to make it through without crying, but didn't even make it past the title of the first poem without breaking down. We held a fundraiser to celebrate October 15th and remember all the babies lost. It was a pancake breakfast and we did quite well. I'm busy planning Alexandra's Fundraiser, which will be held on April 28th again this year. It's looking like it may be our biggest event yet, which is amazing since I was concerned this year about how it would turn out. We've been getting a lot of support from the people and businesses in Calgary and it is truly touching.
I've made it through almost another year without my daughter. I think about how it would be with her here often. I imagine that she would be running around and harassing her big brother. In my mind, she would be very girly and always in cute outfits, tutus, or princess costumes. Rather than stopping at the cemetery to bring her Easter present, she would have been dressed in her new Easter Dress from her Nana and Papa, hunting for eggs with her brother. It would have been wonderful.
Sometimes it's hard to just bring Alexandra's memory into things in a healthy way. It's hard to not dwell for a little while on what should have been and feel sad about what isn't. Easter is my most difficult holiday, so close to her birthday, so close. I can't help but think about how close I was to having her, how close we made it.
I just hope that, while I can't see her, I hope she's looking down on me, and I hope she's proud of everything we do to share her life with the world.