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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Versatile Blogger Award

This is so late, I was informed of this award around Easter, so I'll apologize for my late reply! I would also like to thank Mrs.Hunt2006 at Bits and pieces of becoming a mom. This award was such a pleasant surprise. Thank you!

The Rules:
1. Winners ~ Put the above image in your blog
2. Include a link back to the person who gave it to you
3. Tell 10 things about yourself
4. Award 15 other bloggers
5. Contact the bloggers you awarded and let them know they won

10 Things About Me:

1. I first met my fiance, Steve, in high school where we were in the same math class. I did NOT like him at that time, I thought he was a jerk!

2. I am passionate about all of earth's little creatures, I wish that everyone would treat animals better.

3. I love to play Webkinz with Dayne.

4. I used to work in restaurants and bars and LOVED it.

5. I also worked as a pre-school teacher's assistant and loved it as well.

6. I love it when it's warm outside and raining, I love the way the rain smells.

7. I view my life as a path on which I am supposed to learn to be a more calm and peaceful version of myself.

8. I still desperately want to have another child, even after losing Alexandra, my last pregnancy and subsequently, my tube.

9. My dog, Kaney Bo Baney, is a bullmastiff. I believe that bullmastiffs are the greatest dog breed in the world.

10. I love to read. My all time favorite book is Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Wow that was hard!

My 15 awards go to (In no particular order):
















There's so many more that I check in on too, but I had to pick only 15. I also want to say that my blogger account is not letting me comment on people's blogs right now, so I can't post on these blogs to let everyone know that I have given this award. I will hope for now that they will see this, until I figure out what the issue is.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

No Regrets

I've been thinking a lot lately about grief, and if I could offer just one piece of advice to other women who have just lost a child it would be to take hold of your grief. Don't let other people pressure you into doing something regarding your loss that you will regret later.
Despite everyone else's feelings, Steve and I grabbed a hold of our grief, we did everything that we wanted and while we respected everyone else's opinions, we didn't let them guilt us or make us feel like we needed to do things their way. Some people were offended, some people were angry, some people felt that they deserved more than we had to offer them at the time of our loss, and I struggled with that. But I think that struggle was short lived, I realized that I was only going to be able to deal with this if I dealt with it my way. Everyone else is hurting, but this is my daughter, Steve's daughter, we have to do what is best for US. It's because of this one selfish decision that I have no regrets with how I dealt with the loss of my daughter...And really, I have no apologies either, I am sure that those that know me understand.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Wild Fires

This is unrelated to my loss, but certainly is a massive loss for many, many families, so I wanted to talk about it. There have been wild fires here in Alberta that have touched the lives of hundreds upon hundreds of people.
Many people from Steve's family and friends of his family live in the areas impacted by the fires and have been living through this hugely stressful time, not sure what will happen to their homes, to their families.
Early in my loss a man wrote a poem for my daughter, I posted that poem here, it is beautiful. That man's name is Roger Borchert and he has lost his home due to the fires. I doubt that he is able to read this, but if you are Roger, you are in our thoughts.
We are worried for all of the people of Slave Lake and the surrounding areas that have lost everything, that have been evacuated that are waiting to find out if their homes still stand or if they have lost everything.
If you would like to help these people please visit this facebook page
I am deeply saddened for everyone who has been impacted by these fires.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

It's Mother's Day Again

My first important date without my daughter has arrived again. My second mother's day without her here. I remember being kind of numb last year, I was in so much pain my body didn't want to let me feel it all. This year is different, things are different, the pain isn't quite so sharp, so my body no longer shields me from it and I'm sad.
I found a great poem this morning so I am posting it for all the other mommies missing their children today...and every other day. I hope you guys like this one as much as I do:

Dandelions from Heaven

Mothers day is coming And I wanted to send you a sign
something you can tell others; "Is from an angel of mine
So I searched the heavens high and low for that perfect thing....
And low and behold I found it.... And a smile I hope it will bring.

So when you look to the heavens and see the yellow stars in the sky
Just think of me .... your angel... in the heavens way up high
And just imagine those stars; are dandelions up above.
Yes! Dandelions are also in heaven; which you know how much I love.

So on this mothers day and you awake and feel blue....
You will notice those yellow stars... are no longer in view.
So look to the meadows and the dandelions you see...
Are the ones I've tossed down this mothers day from me.
And when you find a dandelion that has turned from yellow to white;
You're supposed to make a wish and then blow with all your might.
For you will be blowing kisses to me in heaven above....
And I will be catching them and blowing them back sent with all my love.

Please know that l am with you.... on this mothers day....
And also in the days ahead.... God and I will never stray.
We will be with you in the morning ....when you awake and see the sun....
We will be with you when you say your prayers when the day is done.

For God and I will never be very far from your side....
For I can now be everywhere.... and God will be your guide.
So.... remember when you see dandelions it is your guarantee
That I am always close to you.... for dandelions are free to roam just like me.

I will always be with you mummy....
Happy Mothers Day....
Love your angel in heaven.


Monday, May 2, 2011

Alexandra's Fundraiser

As many of you know, we held a fundraiser in Alexandra's memory this weekend to raise money for the pregnancy and infant loss program in my city. It was chaos leading up to Saturday, there were a million things to get done and it seemed like the list would just never end, whenever I would knock something off my to-do list, something new would be added. But on Saturday morning one of our first guests was another loss mom and when she told me about her baby it all came into perspective, none of the chaos of days passed mattered, all that mattered was that I was standing there with another woman who understand why I was there.
That moment happened several times on Saturday as I met other loss moms that had heard about the fundraiser and come out to show their support and connect with someone who shared this difficult path in life.
It wasn't just about raising money, it was about raising awareness and letting other women know that they are not alone, they're going to be ok, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
We did pretty well with the fundraiser, and it was a great learning experience for next year because, of course, we're going to be doing this every year, the last weekend in April. And we even had one of our TV stations come out and interview me. I was so anxious I thought I might faint! The news only showed a small clip of the interview, but even a small clip gets the some attention onto this cause.