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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Life Lessons From Loss

I am a firm DISbeliever in that old saying "Everything happens for a reason." I refuse to say it, I will disagree with most anyone that says it to me, I will become irate if someone says that to me regarding my daughter. There is something that I do believe though, and that is that, you can take something terrible and use it to bring goodness and love to someone else.
Alexandra has taught me many lessons and her loss has brought me to a different place in my life than I would have been otherwise. This place isn't my ideal place, it's not the best place, that place only exists in a world where she does, but this new place is a place where I am needed.
I wish that Alexandra was here with me, right now. She would be 14 months old right now, walk and bothering her big brother. She would be wearing pretty little sundresses and she would accompany us on our daily walks, cooing and chattering while Dayne and I discussed one of the many topics that he is pondering. I still miss her, every single day. I still imagine what she would look like, what she would be like, what would her favorite toy be? I still think about her, every single day.
Every time I think of my beautiful daughter, I think about what I can do to spread her memory some more, to take my loss and use it to help the next loss mom. Alexandra's spirit has inspired me to be a better person, a more kind and giving person. I believe that Alexandra is here with me, making sure her mommy doesn't get stuck in a rut. Sometimes I wonder if her little hands are on my back, pushing me forward, encouraging me.
We recently found out that my request to have pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day recognized in my city has gone on to the next step. It is being reviewed and we may have this day here, this year. This is a huge deal. When I applied, I didn't know what would happen and when I got the phone call to discuss it I realized that I had to do something more, to get this day out there than just tell people. And an idea was born. I sent some emails to get the ball rolling on SOMETHING for loss families to do on that day and I wondered...will there be a time when I feel like everything that I can do to help this loss community has been done? Will there be a time when the support for this community is the best it can get? I imagine it will take years.
With little hands on my back though, I am up for the challenge.


  1. I'm totally with you on this one. I don't believe in the whole everything happens for a reason thing either. In my opinion it's a bunch of crap!

  2. You are so strong. I am so very proud of you for doing so much to help other families. Yesterday I saw a loss ribbon on a car for a little girl, and it made me think about you. Without your efforts I would not have known what the ribbon was for. You have been a comfort to me when I think about my own baby that I never got to hold. Thank you so much.