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Monday, April 29, 2013

Happy Birthday Alexandra

Alexandra is three years old today. I can't believe it's been three years, it feels like just yesterday we were holding her in the hospital. The pain has numbed over the last three years, but it's still very distinctively there. That little hole in my heart, that knowledge that I am missing one of my children.
Alexandra would have been going to pre-school this September, she would have been potty trained
(or potty training), she would know some colors, some numbers, she would be chatty like her big brother. And speaking of her big brother, she would chase him around and drive him crazy, I'm sure. She would want to see everything he's doing and DO everything he's doing. I can imagine the fights and bickering between the two of them. I wish I was listening to those fights every day.
In my head Alexandra is still a baby, it's easy for me to imagine how it would have been, if she lived, but I do find it difficult to connect that image with the one in my head of the little girl I held in my arms. It's not fair that I didn't get to see her grow up into the little girl she should be today.
Yesterday was Alexandra's birthday party and our annual fundraiser for the pregnancy and infant loss program. We had so much support this year and not only met our $3000 goal, but exceeded it by at least $1000! I will post the final total when I have it. It was an amazing day, I was truly touched by all of the support we received and by all the people that  came out in memory of our sweet little girl.
I think that Alexandra was looking down on us yesterday and I hope that she was proud.

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