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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Happy Birthday Little Angel

Four years ago I was sitting in the hospital with Steve, living the most real moment I have ever lived. In that moment I couldn't imagine my life going on for another day, let alone four more years. In my mind, that will always be the day the world stopped. I saw my life, a moment of it anyway, moving in slow motion, and I went through the motions, feeling like a stranger in my own mind. Shock will do that to you.
When the world started moving again, I didn't understand how it was possible, why it was happening, how could I carry on like nothing had happened? And I learned then, that I didn't have to just start moving again, like the world had. That my forward motion would be forever altered and that was ok, as long as I could take those steps with Alexandra in my heart, every single day.
Today I can't help but reflect on the last four years, and as I do that, I think about how things would be different if she were here with me. I don't like to think about that often, there are many things that would be different and many things that wouldn't be at all, but I don't think it's healthy dwell on everything that could have been, when life has presented me with a different path to travel down.
Today Alexandra turns 4 years old and while she's not here with me, and I miss her more than I will ever be able to express here, I just know that she would be proud of how we have carried her with us the last four years.
My sweet little angel will never be forgotten...and I will miss her every single day for the rest of my life.

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