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Friday, July 29, 2011

The Broken Pinwheel

Last year I bought Alexandra and Dayne each a pinwheel. Of course, the weather ruined Alexandra's and I had to replace it. I did so this year, I bought two smaller pinwheels, thinking it would look nice, one on each side of her headstone. I went against my normal urge to buy all pink and girly and I bought a set of two blue pinwheels with small flowers.
The day I put them at the cemetery it was a little bit windy, I was happy that we would get to see them spin. I put the first one in on the left side and it began to spin away. The second went on the right side, only, it did not spin. I gave it a little push, to start it, but nothing happened. I thought they both worked when I bought them, but this one pinwheel was not cooperating.
I was annoyed, and I remember thinking..."nothing ever works the way it's supposed to."
Today as I stood at the cemetery watching one pinwheel spin as the other pinwheel stayed completely still, I thought about how they actually reminded me of me. I initially thought that it was just the way it is, I always buy things and then find a little flaw with them, something a little broken, a little ripped, a little imperfect, but today, those pinwheels were me...half broken, with the ability to do what I should, but for some reason it just doesn't happen.
Sometimes, when these kind of thoughts come to me, I wonder if Alexandra is sending me little messages. A broken pinwheel with the ability and desire to spin, but it needs a little push...or a lot of wind. Nothing comes easy, but the potential is there.

1 comment:

  1. i really like the way you write :)
    its beautiful