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Saturday, February 19, 2011

It's Been Awhile

It's been a while, hasn't it? I haven't forgotten about you, my wonderful readers, my friends on this journey with me. I have been busy these days. Alexandra's birthday is coming up and we are planning her party. If she were here with us, it would have been a grand affair, with a princess theme. Our little girl would have worn a big, pink, puffy dress with a tiara, no doubt. There would have been a million pictures. I would have documented every single moment. I'm sad that I don't get to have those moments. I'm sad that I don't get to have those memories.
I was at the doctor the other day and he told me that in all of his years, I am the first person he has ever met that had a baby die due to an actual knot in the cord. He's been doing this for decades and I'm the daughter is the first. He commented on how this was just horribly, horribly bad luck. And I wonder...why did WE have such bad luck? Why did my baby have such bad luck?
But, I try not to dwell...I try really, really hard not to get caught up on the why. There is no answer to that question. Maybe one day, when I die, I will be given the answer, but as long as I am living, there will be no answer for me.
I don't get to plan Alexandra's princess party, but I do get to plan something. We are holding a fundraiser on April 30th...the day that I have no doubt, would have been Alexandra's birthday party day. We are raising money for the pregnancy and infant loss program in my city. We will be celebrating the memory of our little girl. Alexandra has pushed this family to grow and gain strength and she will continue to be the driving force behind everything that is to come. And wherever my little princess is, she is looking down on her family smiling, I know that she is. She is happy that we have all come together to help the families of all her angel friends to come.
We can't stop this tragedy from happening, but we can help to cushion the blow.
There will be more to come about this fundraiser, as we work to pull it together, but in the meantime, I wanted to stop by my safe place, and let my gentle readers know that I am here, I am ok and I have not forgotten them.

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