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Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Cemetery

Since we buried Alexandra there have been eight other babies buried around her. Eight. That's one baby a month. Whenever we see a new mound of dirt, Steve and I always do the same thing. We both see it, there's a split second of silence...shock that there's another baby, how can there be another baby? It's not fair! Then we both saw "Oh" and we always stop at the grave to acknowledge this new baby, to acknowledge the loss, to remember the baby, to have a moment of complete silence for the baby's family.
Something else I noticed was the lack of footprints in the snow. The snow is fairly deep, and you can really tell who is visiting and who is not. Not just in the children's area though. I can't help but wonder if these people are never visited, or if it's just in the winter. And if it is in the winter, why do people think it's ok to leave their loved one all winter and visit them all summer? I mean, if they can somehow know that we are there, don't they wonder why they aren't important enough in the winter?
Maybe it's just me.


  1. Maybe they don't live in that city... we don't live where V is buried; I'm sure people would talk if they knew we'd never visited her grave.

  2. I honestly feel no connection to Jacob at the cemetery. I feel him the most at home. Maybe another explanation?

  3. Maybe its just too hard for them still.

  4. Even a slight wind blow can cover up footprints. They could've been there two days before you or came the day after you. It's not about standing in front of the grave site, it's about keeping them in your heart and mind for some people. I don't go visit my grandmother's grave, because I talk to her anytime I want. I don't think talking to a piece of rock with her name on it has the same effect. Each person is very different. Alot of people think of the cemetery as a popularity contest (whoever has the most flowers or visitor is most loved), but that's not the case at all. Memories (whether short lived or long lived) live within your heart, not within a grave marker or flower.

  5. I should clarify that I was speaking of summer visitors and not people that don't ever visit for their own reasons, or visit infrequently for whatever reason. It makes me sad to think that some people will come regularly all summer and not at all in the winter, as if the weather is the only reason they visit. I know that some people will go once a year, in the summer, which is something that I understand, but to visit once a week all summer and then not once in the winter, that is what I'm talking about...and I'm not at all passing judgement, it just makes me a little sad, just another expression of my grief.
    I hope that I have not offended anyone.
    And as I have said here before, I don't believe that Alexandra is there at the cemetery, rather, it is a common place for us to meet and connect sometimes, like a favorite coffee shop or restaurant.
    Hopefully that clears it all up and nobody is hurt by my post.

  6. Until it happens to you, you don't realize just how often babies lose their lives. It's very sad.