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Friday, September 10, 2010

May 2011

Last September, late in the month, I found out I was pregnant.I have memories of how the next months went. I was so sick that I could barely go out in public. The day I found out, I had to go pick up my son from pre school, I was so excited that I told his teacher. She said "So we're not telling many people yet?" and I replied "No, I'm telling EVERYONE!" I was happy. I think now, how that was almost like a premonition. But everyone would have known anyway, I was 37 weeks pregnant when we lost Alexandra. Well, 37 and a half weeks.
How am I going to get through this school year with everything that reminds me of how happy I was, how excited I was to be having another baby. What am I going to do to stop the memories from popping up all the time? When is this going to get easier?
 People that are announcing now that they are pregnant are due in May, around the time my baby would be turning one. I didn't realize how hard this would be to deal with. Why would it hurt me so much to hear that someone else is due in May?
I'm trying, every day I'm trying to keep everything positive, to spread Alexandra's memory in a positive way. I'm trying, but it's so hard.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry ((HUGS)) There will always be things that are painful for us...

    I was instinctively more protective of telling people about being pregnant with Cooper after my pregnancy with Lily which thinking back on it doesn't make sense because I lost Lily at 23 weeks so well after when things are considered "safe"...