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Friday, November 12, 2010

Patience...

So, this post is a question. It's a question for all of the loss moms that are reading, it's also for anyone that has suffered a serious, and unexpected loss in your life. I'm asking because of the impact this change is having on my life.
Have you noticed a feeling within yourself that you have a higher understanding of what is important? Drama and disagreements create a different response in me than they used to. I have never been a very patient person in regards to most things. I get frustrated easily. But this new change is different. My response is different. In a dispute, my reaction is no longer to sit and figure it out, to stay and talk until everyone felt better, my reaction now is to just walk away.
Something in my brain clicks into place and this inner voice says "This isn't important in the grand scheme of things. Don't waste time and energy on this. Walk away." You may think this is a good thing, and in most cases it is, however, it's a little bit of a double edged sword. My new inability to deal with crap causes me to be short...almost huffy. When that thing clicks in my brain I can guarantee the words coming out of my mouth are "Ok, I'm done now, I'm not doing this." and that's it, I'm done. Even if it's something that really should be dealt with, I'm just done.
I feel like something inside of me has decided that I have dealt with enough, I don't have to deal with anymore and my subconscious isn't going to ALLOW me to deal with any more. The stress is still there, the headache is still there, but I now have an inability to deal with it.
Is this just me? Is this common? Perhaps I'm losing it. I don't know.

7 comments:

  1. I often feel like this as well, and I imagine it's common after going through a loss like this to make you think about what REALLY is important. Therefore, many of the things other people talk about just seems so unimportant. I definitely don't think you're losing it! =)

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  2. i am SICK of hearing people complain about idiotic, trivial things. i want to snap back at all of them, "is it as bad as having your child die? because if it's not, then shut the fuck up."

    (sorry, i'm having a very bad week.)

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  3. Nope you're not losing it. My mom commented to me last week that she has noticed I'm 'shorter' than what I used to be. I know exactly what she's talking about. I no longer care to hear about people's (somewhat) trival complaints, especially if I have nothing emtionally invested in those people or their problems.

    On the otherhand I find it also coming out in my own life. I find myself fretting less over trival matters. So what if the house isn't completely clean when people come over. So what if I didn't sleep as well last night as I would have liked. So what if I'm stuck in traffic for awhile. Nothing is as bad as my son being dead. Kind of like don't sweat the small stuff.

    I'm trying to look at is as a bit of a positive...even if it's only acting as a protective mechanism for myself.

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  4. I agree. It definitely puts things in perspective and changes your views on what is important. (((HUGS)))

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  5. I hear you 100%. And sometimes, it impacts in a negative way because I feel like "wtf are you complaining about? traffic? did your baby die?" which isnt the right train of thought either... But yes, I truly feel I know what is more important now.

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  6. Definitely. That is why I haven't ever really gotten into my birth board on BBC. The drama is so ridiculous and I just want to scream at everyone to be grateful.

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  7. Missy, I feel this way too, and I would actually use the same words to describe it. With disagreements, sometimes I feel like it is better to walk away, rather than waste time arguing with people over pointless stuff. Many hugs :)

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