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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Alexandra's Headstone

It was such a busy day yesterday. My mind was stuck all day on Alexandra's headstone. It should have been there and I was too busy to go see. As I ran around the house, getting Dayne and I ready and doing some cleaning before we went to my Grandma's house, all I could do was wonder about it. That was where we spent most of the day and part of the evening.
When we left there I was hurried to my sister's house, where I would wait for Steve to come and get me. He had worked all day and part of the night. It felt like the day took forever. As I sat there at my sister's, I couldn't understand what was taking Steve so long to get there. When he arrived, Dayne and I were waiting outside for him.
It was dark as we drove into the cemetery. I noticed all of the small lights near the graves. So many of the graves have things that light up. We had never been there when it was this dark before. It was peaceful and beautiful. Steve and I discussed how we would have to get the little light up rock that I have had my eye on. It would fit right in and Alexandra would love it.
As we got closer to the children's area, I couldn't see the stone sitting on the cement above Alexandra's grave. I said "It's not there" and Steve responded with "Yes it is" right as my eyes adjusted to see a small square that was more black than the night. It was Alexandra's headstone. Her monument.
I nearly dove out of the car to get over there and see it. Steve was hot on my heels. Dayne wandered over, talking to himself about what this new thing was at his baby sister's resting place. Steve kneeled, staring intently, reading, checking every letter, looking for any flaw. I just stood there, staring in awe. There were no flaws, no misspellings, no errors at all. It was just perfect. The perfect description of our Alexandra and our family now.
Her spot...Her only place in this world, is just perfect. And within the contentment I feel because it's so perfect, there is a deep, deep sadness, because my pride is over a headstone and not a milestone.


  1. I'm glad Alexandra's headstone was there. My little sister died when she was just 2 months old - she never left the hospital because she was very sick when she was born. We used to visit her grave when I was young and we'd leave pin wheels. My sister was buried in St. Louis, where all my extended family lives and whenever we visit their I go see her. It is a special place for me and always will be. I wonder all the time what my life would have been like if she had lived. I keep her close to my heart. I know how important "her place" can be and I'm glad Alexandra finally has that for herself. I'm so sorry for your loss.

  2. I am so happy that the stone has arrived and that it is perfect. ((HUGS)) Keeping you in my prayers.

  3. I'm happy it is arrived. I know it's hard having that instead of her here. Hugs, dear one...