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Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Alexandra gave me the gift of sight.
Well, of  course, I could SEE before I had her, I am not blind, nor was the literal sense. However, I WAS incredibly self centered. You know, people always see that as a bad thing, if someone says you're self centered, there is clearly something wrong with you. I disagree. Humans, I think, are self centered by nature.
We walk around, in our own little world. When you are out grocery shopping, do you notice everyone around you? I didn't. I was always thinking of what I needed to get, how much of a hurry I was in, what I had to do when I got home, what my plans were for next week, and on and on the list goes.
Taking away my daughter made me notice other people's daughters. I was sad about this, I couldn't help but notice little girls in little outfits that I would have picked out for my daughter. Little baby girls with brown hair and blue eyes, just as I pictured my daughter.
I tried to avoid noticing the little girls, when I did this, I started to notice other things. So many sad souls, so many forgotten people. I never noticed how many people live out of shopping carts in my city. I always thought this was rare, something pretty much exclusive to the bad areas downtown. This is not so.
I now notice disabled people and how many people overlook them, or speak in a cold way to them, make fun of them, treat them poorly.
I now notice people from other countries, struggling so much to adapt to this new country, struggling to learn the language, to be understood.
I now notice other people's tone, the look on their faces, their mannerisms.
Somehow I know this was all around me before, and yet, I never noticed it. It's like my mind had put up blinders to the world. How could I miss so much sadness and so many small wonders all at once?


  1. I feel the same way. I NEVER saw the world like I do now. I notice beautiful flowers.. sad faces... I also HEAR more. I hear longing in the melody of a guitar, I hear sorrow in someone's tone. Its like our senses have been turned up like 10 notches.

  2. amazing how the loss of our babies changes our perspective.