A Debate...

This is a vent. I don't really know why I feel the need to vent about this...Perhaps the fact that I'm sick is making me hyper sensitive, perhaps this is just one of those things that REALLY rub me the wrong way. I don't know, but I don't really think it matters. I imagine that there are a lot of loss mommies out there that will see exactly where I am coming from.
I participate on a parenting website. I enjoy talking to other parents, I enjoy getting input about things going on with Dayne and when I was pregnant, I felt so much better seeing that there were so many other women going through the same things as me. The same pains, the same sicknesses, the same excitement.
When we lost Alexandra, I stuck mainly to a few areas where I wouldn't see the new babies or hear about new baby things. I stuck mostly to a board dedicated to debate. The people there were very supportive of me when they found out about our loss and it was really touching. I have participated in debates about loss since I lost my daughter. I feel that I have done reasonably well with articulating my point of view without getting offended or defensive.
Today I discovered a debate about when a baby dies. The question was in regards to whether it'd God's will when a baby dies or whether it's survival of the fittest. There is this little nerve in my heart that was hit when I read the question. The nerve kept getting hit as I read some of the responses.
This is one of those things that I hate. When someone tells me it was God's will, God had different plans, etc. I want to scream. Why do I need to hear that?
I have yet to hear someone tell me that my daughter just wasn't meant to live because of survival of the fittest though. How could that possibly apply? Her umbilical cord was compressed, had she been outside the womb, she would have lived. The failure was not on her part, or God's. If blame must be placed, it really should be placed on me, for not having her earlier, for not realizing something was wrong.
My reaction, that nerve getting hit, was caused by a few things. First, I hate the implication that something was wrong with my daughter. There was nothing wrong with her, she could have lived outside the womb, she was totally healthy. It was a tragic, tragic accident that stole her from us, it had nothing to do with her ability to survive outside the womb, or something being wrong with her. Which leads me to the big nerve...I cannot handle the idea that someone would think anything that comes even remotely close to blaming Alexandra for her own death. My perfect little angel, she is to blame for nothing.
I imagine some people may end up here at my blog through my comments on that debate, and I imagine they will read this. Hopefully, I don't offend. Hopefully, they see what I am saying, how I am feeling, what I am thinking. Hopefully, people never really think that Alexandra is to blame.