July 5th, 2010

This morning I had therapy. My therapy is at a building beside the hospital where Alexandra was born. I believe the building is considered part of the hospital. The therapist I see works with the social workers at the hospital. Last time I was there I had told her that we still had not received the pictures from the hospital. She quickly looked into it and today, I got those pictures.
The hospital did a surprisingly good job. That's not to say I was expecting BAD pictures, just that I was expecting pictures similar to the ones we took at the hospital, and they weren't just them, the seemed just a little bit different, just a little bit nicer. They made a little birth announcement and one black and white picture of Steve, Alexandra and I. They did a wonderful job. I was happy to receive them. They printed them up and also gave us a CD with a label that is pink and has Alexandra's name on it.
We now have all of her pictures. It makes me sad to think that these few pictures are it. This is all there will be of Alexandra. Last night Steve and I watched a slide show I had made of Dayne. It was pictures from his first birthday to his second birthday. Pictures of us at the zoo, heritage park, family functions and at home. I don't know if Steve was thinking the same things as me while we watched that slide show, I think he was. The thoughts going through my mind were of how there will never be this kind of slide show for Alexandra. Sure, I can make a slide show, I can set it to beautiful music, I can lovingly add every single last picture we have of Alexandra. But, there will be no picture of her looking at the camera, smiling. No first step pictures, no laughing pictures. No pictures of Steve holding her at the park or on the ferry at heritage park. There won't be those pictures, ever. Alexandra's slide show would be full of beautiful pictures of our beautiful baby who was born and will forever be, sleeping.
And it's not fair.