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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

June 29th, 2010

This day marks the two month anniversary of the day I gave birth to Alexandra. The thought was right there in my mind when I woke up. I wonder if making plans for today was a good idea...Should I have just made today a day to stay home and keep to myself? I just don't know.
This doesn't fit with my feelings for today, but so many people have reached out with such kindness about Alexandra's grave that I wanted to give an update.
 Late yesterday afternoon the grounds supervisor called me. He was kind and empathetic. He apologized profusely. He explained that the people that dug the other child's grave should not have piled the dirt on top of Alexandra's. There was no child buried in the spot directly between Alexandra's and the other child's and there was no one buried on the other side for the entire row. He said that it is possible that they did it so that the weight of the new dirt would push the old dirt down more. He also told me that we can't know for sure, but it is possible that the weight pushed Alexandra's rosary into her own grave further and so it's just buried in there. We will never know and we will never see that rosary again, but it does take a little bit of the sting away to know that she may still have her rosary. Steve felt that this may be possible, but he seems more sure that the rosary is in the other grave. It doesn't really matter though, it's gone no matter what and that is what hurts the most.
The conversation I had with this man was exactly what I had expected when I had called the cemetery in the morning. He apologized, he asked questions for clarification, he explained that he's sure they didn't mean for this to happen, they must not have noticed the rosary. He told me that he was going to make sure that everyone there knows that this cannot happen again, they have to be more diligent about checking the tops of graves if they have to pile dirt on them. He was polite and understanding and explained things to me in a gentle way. He told me that neither he nor his staff want to add to anyone's grief and they are all very sorry that this happened.
We can't get the rosary back, we can't take the shock we felt when we discovered this away, I can't wipe my memory of how that woman spoke to me yesterday. We CAN understand that accidents happen and sometimes people make mistakes. We got what we wanted, an apology, an explanation, a promise that this will not happen again, and most importantly, a sympathetic ear, to hear us and understand how much this has hurt us.
I am still waiting for the city to call. I have not forgotten how I was treated, and I will not forget. The woman that I spoke with yesterday morning needs to, at the very minimum, be reprimanded. I don't think she should keep her job. I don't think she should be allowed to work around people that have suffered a loss. She clearly is not able to show any empathy to grieving families and that should be considered a fundamental part of her job.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, I agree. If you work in that kind of business, showing a little empathy and support should be a prerequisite! I'm so glad to know the supervisor was kind and sympathetic towards you. You are right. You will never forget the incident with that woman, but an apology at least takes away some of the sting. Not much! But..a little. Thinking of you & Alexandra on this anniversary. I've noticed that the first few anniversaries are the hardest. Then it gets a little easier with every month. You still think of her, the day is still on your mind, but it might be easier to smile than cry. But everyone is different. (((HUGS)))