June 30, 2010

This morning I woke up a little bit more early than usual. I sit in my bed for a little while, watching the news and then I crawled out of bed and went to take a shower and get my day started. Yesterday was a more difficult day, but I worked hard to make it a gentle one.

It seems that on every really difficult day, something happens to make it more bearable. Some little thing, that I always view as a gift from my daughter. Yesterday, when I missed her the most, the phone rang. I ignored it. When the light began to flash, indicating a message, I decided to see who it was. The message brought my ray of light. My little gift.

The message was from the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. He had our pictures. Not just the CD with the pictures, but a DVD and ten 8x10 printed photographs that the photographer himself picked out. He wanted to know if he could come by the next morning (today) and drop them off. I called him back quickly. I didn't want to miss him, or my chance to get the pictures as soon as possible.

I woke up a lot last night. I was excited to see my daughter. To see our only family pictures.

I sat, showered, dressed and waiting for the phone to ring this morning. The call came right around 9am and the photographer told me he would be by in an hour. I counted down the minutes.

When the photographer finally arrived, I was outside waiting for him. Partially because I didn't want my dog to scare him and partially because I just couldn't wait the extra 2 minutes it may take him to walk into the house. He seemed to be in a bit of a hurry anyway, so it worked out well for both of us.

The second he left I ran inside to look at the pictures. I took some time to myself, I went through each picture and I cried. They are so beautiful. Alexandra looks so beautiful. She looks just like Steve. I knew she would and she did. Her perfect little nose, that sweet little nose that I got to see for such a short time.

I waited for Steve to come home and take some time for himself to go over the pictures before I would post here. The reason for waiting? I am going to share with you all, the pictures of our family. The pictures of one of the hardest days of our lives, the day we buried our little girl.

I will not warn anyone to look away and I will not apologize to anyone that may be offended by my daughter's pictures. I invite you all to see Alexandra.