May 20, 2010

I did not sleep well. In fact, I barely slept all night. Dayne was up most of the night coughing, though he doesn't have a cold and I was up the rest of the night with an ear problem. I couldn't hear out of my right ear. It had been bothering me so I bought some ear drops and they made the problem, much, much worse. Not only could I not hear, but I could FEEL the drops moving around in my ear and I had a ton of pressure. I made plans to go to the doctor before I went to bed, but it didn't help my sleep any.
When it was time to get up, I half wanted to stay in bed and half wanted to get to the doctor so they could flush my ear out and make it feel better. I was aware that it was three weeks since I delivered my daughter, but I tried to keep it at the back of my mind while I ran around getting ready and getting Dayne ready for school.
Once Dayne was all dressed and eating, I went to feed his fish. Swimmy was a good fish, he was colorful and cute. Dayne was fond of him, but I think I was more fond of the fish. I swear he had a personality, he would come to the front of the tank to greet me whenever I was near. He was a sweet little fish. And he was floating at the bottom of the tank, in his little plant, dead.
I didn't tell Dayne. I left it alone and let him go to school. He didn't need to go to school sad. I left the poor, dead fish in the tank all day while Dayne was at school and a play date. I wanted him to know what happened, rather than just have his fish disappear. So, when he came home, I sat him down and explained what had happened. At first he asked if I forgot to feed the fish and I told him no, then he wanted to know why the fish wanted to be old and die and I told him that the fish didn't want to be old or to die. We settled on the theory that the fish went to swim around for Alexandra. Dayne was sad for a few minutes, but he seemed happy with his reasoning so I told him that I would take care of the fish.
While Dayne played in the living room, I cleaned out the fish tank and dealt with the disposal of the dead fish. I know it's just a fish, but why does Dayne have to have so much death around him lately? It's not fair to him, he's just a little guy.
While Dayne was at his play date this afternoon, I took some time for myself, to just be. I went to the store today and bought 2 pin wheels, one blue one, for Dayne and one purple one, for Dayne to put in the ground by Alexandra. He is excited to share a pin wheel with his sister and glad to have a matching pin wheel for himself. I feel lucky to have such a kind little boy, who seems to truly understand the feelings of others.