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Friday, May 28, 2010

May 28, 2010

I had a rough night last night. I did a lot of crying and really didn't sleep much. Yesterday we had made the final arrangements for Alexandra's headstone and it stung. We picked the most perfect headstone for her though, and I think she will look down on it and love it. I was hurt to find out that it will still be 6-8 weeks before it will be installed. So, mid July before we can do the balloon release. This makes me sad.
This morning I woke up and knew that today was the day to call about therapy. I was not ready to call about this before. It's too hard to make all these calls, to think about all of this stuff. Today was the day though. I have got to do something to help myself get better.
So, this afternoon I called. I called and the woman I talked to said the same thing pretty much everyone says..."I'm so sorry for your loss" I didn't reply. I don't anymore. What do you say to that? Thank you? Thank you for what? I don't know how well the silence goes over for people, but I am really just done with responding to the apologies. I made an appointment and I'm glad.
I also had to call about my 6 week post partum appointment. When we were in the hospital the doctor came in shortly before we left. She told me that I could go to the prenatal clinic for this appointment or I could go to my family doctor. I chose the prenatal clinic, so that's who I called today.
I want to first say that the day we found out that Alexandra had passed, when I called to cancel my appointment and I told the receptionist that I was headed to labor and delivery because the baby wasn't moving, the receptionist was cold and I was really taken aback by her response. She didn't wish us luck or tell us that she hoped everything was ok. She was just short, impolite and cold.
Today when I called, the same receptionist answered the phone. I explained that I needed to make an appointment, that it was my six week postpartum appointment and I needed to make it for two weeks from today. The receptionist cut me off half way through my explanation and abruptly told me that they don't do these appointments there. I explained that the doctor had told me that I could come in there and the receptionist cut me off again, rudely asking when I was told this. I told her that I was told this, by a doctor from that clinic, at the hospital, the day I delivered. The receptionist, still being rude told me that they don't see the baby...that was where I cut her off. I spit the words "MY baby was stillborn" and she immediately stopped talking. She sat there for a minute, and then told me to hold on. She left me on hold for quite some time and when she came back she basically said that she didn't know what I was talking about and that they would have to ask the doctor on Monday and call me back.
I wanted to scream at her, I wanted to curse her out, to call her a million horrible names. What is wrong with this woman? How can she be so rude and so cold to people? I don't care if I end up having an appointment in six weeks with this clinic, I will be making a complaint to SOMEONE about this woman.
Does she not know or care how hard that phone call was? And now I have to go through it again on Monday, and if they choose not to see me, I have to go through it AGAIN at another clinic. I am pissed off. I am hurt. This clinic was sub par throughout my entire pregnancy. I have gone to this clinic for 2 other pregnancies and they were much better (and they saw me for my postpartum check up both times) This time, they have been terrible. They were not there for me through my loss, I didn't see anyone until after I had delivered. A doctor I knew did not deliver my daughter. They passed me off to another clinic. If I ever have another baby, I will be going to a different clinic and anyone that I meet that is pregnant will be hearing NOT to go to the Calgary low risk maternity clinic. These people certainly don't seem to care about their patients if the worst happens, and that's simply not ok. And that receptionist needs to take a coarse on empathy, because she is apathetic and it's disgusting.
Today, I am hurt and I am angry.


  1. I am so sorry Melissa! That is horrible. That woman should lose her job. An OB office is not the place for rude people. I was lucky in that the office and my Dr. were amazing through my entire process and I even received a couple of phone calls from my Dr. afterward. You shouldn't have to endure what you did, it's hard enough to even make the call.

  2. I agree, this woman should lose her job. A receptionist in ANY field needs to be more sympathetic than that. You're front line service and there to meet the needs of the person on the other end of the phone. It sounds like this "low risk" clinic is incapable of dealing when things don't go so smoothly.
    I want to address your irritation with people saying that "they are sorry for your loss" in hopes that it might make you a little less irritated. When people say that they're sorry, they're not exactly apologizing. There are a few different definitions for the word "sorry" and when people say that they're sorry for your loss it means that they're SYMPATHIZING (Oxford English Dictionary) with your suffering and pain. Although many of us cannot imagine what such a loss must feel like, we are experiencing a little of your pain with you. At that moment we are joining you in your sadness. To feel sorry also means to feel WRETCHED (Oxford English Dictionary).
    I hope this helps you look at things in a different way and accept the sympathy that people have to offer.