Question Eight

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad.

I debated about using a belly picture or a picture of one of the outfits we have for Alexandra. They all still sit in her dresser, in her bedroom, with all of her stuff there, even the box from her stroller. Steve put the stroller together just days before we lost Alexandra.
The picture I chose stirs up so much sadness in me though, that I had to use it. It was right around Easter (just after actually), I was hating the way I looked, I hurt all the time, I wasn't sleeping, my hair looked awful, I was as big as a house...but I was so excited. This was the last picture taken of Steve and I while I was pregnant. Looking at it, I feel sadness and I feel anger, anger about how stupidly naive I was. So happy, not a care, I was finally feeling like everything was perfect. I could not have been more wrong. I can remember that day, as if it was yesterday, I remember the smells and sounds, the feelings of that time. I remember always holding my belly the way I am in that picture. I remember how much Alexandra would move around. At night I would have Steve rest his hand on my belly and he would get this look on his face, of shock and awe at how she was flipping around in there...It seems almost prophetic now, that all of that flipping around would be what took her from us.