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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Question Twenty Seven

Day 27 - your worst habit since your child's death

I don't really know...I've developed a few bad habits. Avoidance is one...Is that considered a habit? I have this other habit that is brought on by anxiety...which is a new kind of anxiety I have since we lost Alexandra. This anxiety is caused by the thought that people are thinking of poor poor pitiful me, and thinking "things" about how I'm coping (to well, not well enough). It also comes when I am doing something public FOR Alexandra. The habit itself is a series of wrist grabs, palm scratches and arm rubs. Yes, this most likely looks as odd as it sounds. I often don't noticed that I'm doing it, it's like a nervous tick. I start out just holding my hands kind of together and then I will notice that someone has glanced down and I realized that I'm doing this thing (usually in the middle of a palm scratch)
It's pretty hard to REALLY describe, but there it is.

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